Aloha Spirit

Spending 8 days in paradise makes you realize that there are some things that money can buy. For example, money can buy endless amounts of Mai Tai's while tanning on the beaches of Waikiki. It can also buy spam, shaved ice, and a bunch of souvenirs to bring home to your jealous friends. Some people use their money to travel while others spend it on designer clothes or purses. I'm not one to judge, especially when it comes to how others spend their money, but one thing I know is that if you don't have any teeth, you shouldn't spend your money on frozen yogurt.

I just spent 8 days in Honolulu. 8 glorious days filled with nothing but fun in the sun. 8 days of smiling or batting my eyes at some of the most exotic men I've ever seen. My one goal while in Hawaii - make out with a big Hawaiian man.

The first few days in Hawaii were filled with endless activities. I didn't have the chance to scout out a hot Hawaiian hook-up. Finally, on a quieter day, I decided to walk to the International Market to pick up gifts for my friends and family.

Shopping always makes me thirsty. I think it has something to do with all that cardio... you know: walking + holding bags = cardio. I decide to stop for a little treat - Dole Pineapple Frozen Yogurt. As I'm ordering, I see the most beautiful Hawaiian man I've ever seen. He was tan, topless, and had the greenest eyes. He was gorgeous. All he needed was a grass skirt and a stick with flames on both ends, and I'd be in Hula Heaven. He sat down right behind me, and while I was ordering, started to talk to me. I was too excited and flustered to look at this Hawaiian Hunk of love, so I focused on the fro-yo lady in front of me.

As I paid for my fro-yo, he asked me where I was from, how long I was in town for, what my name was. After the sweet lady hands me my precious fro-yo, I finally turn around to stare into my soon to be Hawaiian lovers sparkling green eyes. I smile. He smiles back.

He has no upper teeth.

By no upper teeth, I don't mean he was missing just one tooth. He was straight gums on top. Like a turtle. A big, tan, handsome, Hawaiian turtle. With no teeth. This was tragic.



I finally found someone I wanted to throw myself at and he has no teeth. Just my luck. I pretended that my phone rang, and walked away, quickly. I walked back to my hotel, eating my Fro-yo, wondering what I had done to deserve a toothless hottie. Karma can be a real b@$^&.

Lesson Learned:

Don't travel all the way to Hawaii to kiss a toothless man. There's a bunch at the senior center down the street just waiting for you to lick their gums.