Gimme the Oldies!

I have a confession to make: I like older men.

Some have said that I have an "old soul". Others have said that I seem far too wise for my years. Whatever the reason, I've always had a thing for those old geezers. When I was 19, I dated a man who was 43. I've even had a 2 year relationship with a man 14 years older than me. I've actually never dated anyone remotely close to my age, now that I think about it.

Here are the 5 things you need to know to be more Catherina Zeta Jones and less Anna Nicole Smith:

1. Weekends are for his kids.

Chances are if your man has gray hair, he also has children. When dating an older man, expect to be wined and dined every other weekend and rarely during the holidays. The times he's not with you, he's with the kids. God forbid little Charlie chips a tooth or breaks a bone, you will become a distant memory. Even more frightening are the evil children who resent you for dating their father. Those are the ones they make scary movies of. Be weary... always carry pepper spray.

2. Old = Stubborn

He's been on earth much longer than you. He probably knows what he's talking about. He wont listen to anything you have to say, because let's face it, he's been there and done that. Your old man will always seem stubborn and set in his ways. His past experiences will dictate your future, so be sure to pick an old man with amnesia or memory loss.

3. Medicare

Once you start dating the gray haired hotties, you must constantly be aware of lurking medical conditions. He might not be able to mix alcohol with his medicine, or maybe he just cant eat the killer Gumbo you made because of his cholesterol. No one can stop the inevitable. That's why when you sense he's taking a turn for the worse, you marry him! Sans pre-nup! (Im kidding?? Or am I...)

4. Generational Gaps

To you, "Ice-T" is a hip hop artist. To him, it's a beverage served best when cold. This will be frustrating. Imagine trying to defend your love for liquid leggings or even your beloved Lady Gaga CD... he's just not going to get it. And neither will you when he starts talking about life before the creation of the light bulb.

5. Sexy Time

What you lose in quantity, you gain in quality. There is nothing better than an experienced, fully knowledgeable, and totally mature lover. Be sure to plan accordingly. If after he's pleased you in every way imaginable, he experiences side effects that last more than 4 hours, take him to the emergency room. It's only fair.

People will mistake him for your father. Some people will applaud him for pulling a younger woman. Some people will try to set you both on fire. However, if there's one thing you should take from this, it's that men get better with age.

So stop being a cougar and date an old man. Before he dies.