Wednesday, June 23, 2010

All Man. Grr.

I know most of you read this blog because you're interested in the absolutely outlandish things I experience on my dates. I don't usually write good things about just one man. Most of my list blogs are compilations of my experiences with multiple men. That's just how I roll.

This blog, however, has a very specific subject. It is about one man and one man only. A REAL MAN. I've dated many wanna-be sissy mama's boys who cover their lack of manliness with lumberjack beards. Just because someone looks like a man, burps, and can lift heavy boxes, doesn't mean he knows the first thing about being a man.

Here are the reasons I know, for a fact, that my Muffin is ALL man!

1. He knows that tears are not a sign of weakness. It's actually how he sheds his excess amounts of testosterone.

2. He would brave a torrential storm of Biblical proportions to pick me up a box of Tampons. He'd buy me just about anything as long as it wasn't diapers!

3. When he's acting like a punk-ass-bitch-mo-fo, he'll admit it. Maybe not in those exact words, but I know what he really means.

4. He'd never stab anyone in the back. He'd look them dead in the eye while I stabbed them in the face. Team work.

5. He's so reliable that even Jay-Z knows in case of emergency, he can call him to fill in at a concert.

6. In case the world comes to an end, he has a predetermined escape route. He even knows how to turn a broom and some duct tape into a tuna sandwich - in case of famine.

7. He hugs me like he's my very own, personal, super snug, straight jacket.

8. Every time he says "I Love You" it sounds like a song, poem, promise, revelation, all at once. It's like an entire Boys II Men song in 3 little words.

9. He knows the difference between making sweet love and smackin-dat-ass. He knows it well. Very well.

10. He's proud of me. My victories are his. He's a team player - Go Team Michelle!

Sappy, cheesy, mushy...say what you want. But a good man should be acknowledged. Even if it means I come across as a smitten idiot.

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