Meesh: Twerkin It

Being an avid BET late night music video watcher, I have picked up a few dance moves over the years. Most notably, the Twerk. Not to be confused with the Jerk, the Dougie, or any other dance that requires clothing. This is a dance of seduction.

Basically, it involves you vigorously shaking your ass like a stripper. How do you know you're doing it right? Push your ass out as far as it can go, shake as hard as you can, and if your lower back begins to feel as though it's going to snap in half, you know you're doing a good job!

I had yet to debut my Twerking skills to my Muffin. It's the kind of dance you keep at home, for your man, but its also the kind of dance that requires months of practice. Once I felt that my Twerking was perfect, I would seduce my muffin and show him how lucky he is to have wifed me up.

The other day, Muffin and I were both in the bathroom. I was in the shower, he was trimming his beautiful facial hairs over the sink and getting water spots all over the mirror, as usual. I had turned the iPod on before I hopped in for my morning scrub. I like to pretend I'm in a music video while showering. I try to mimic the video hoochies that are standing under waterfalls, posing and dancing all kinds of sexy. While they may be getting paid to do that, I'm getting clean!

My iPod playlist consists of pretty much the most random music on earth. Country, Rap, Spanish, Arabic, Jazz, you name it, its on my iPod. That morning, it started off with a few slower songs, then came a hard core rap song. The kind of song that makes you want to dance. The kind that made me rip open the shower curtain and start Twerking.

Obviously, I'm not shy. I never have been and even though I know I should probably have a little more humility in my life, I find nothing wrong with dancing, in the shower, for your soon to be husband. So, I really decided to go for it. If I was going to Twerk, I was going to be the best damn Twerker that Muffin would ever see. I saw Muffin looking out of the corner of his eye. He was pretending to be too busy to notice, too busy trimming his 11 chin hairs, but I knew he liked what he was saw. Those girls in the music videos have NOTHING on me.

Except better balance.

Dancing in the shower has one major problem. It's slippery. My butt was shaking so vigorously that I lost my footing and hit my head on the ledge that the soap and shampoo bottles are supposed to sit on. Being the professional that I am, I didn't let that ruin my routine. I acted as though it was supposed to happen, slowly, and seductively closed the shower curtain. Then I held my forehead as tight as I could and sat down in the shower rocking my self back and forth.

Muffin saw me Twerkin as best I could. He was not going to see me sitting in the tub looking like a helpless fat baby.