Water Torture

Those of you that know me know that I am a neat freak. Growing up, I was raised by a Cleaning Cop, with major OCD, so there was never one corner of the house that wasn't sanitized, dusted, and wiped down with bleach for good measure. On the weekends, my job was to clean the mirrors and windows. Most people clean their windows a few times a year. I, however, was forced to do this 52 times a year. Growing up, our house was pretty big, had 3 glass sliding doors, and the entire kitchen had glass walls that looked into the backyard. It was a giant glass house and I was responsible for keeping it streak free.

I never realized that all that cleaning of glass transferred into my adult life. Only living on my own, my place was always clean, organized and streak free. This, however changed 4 months ago. While I've been on many dates, I have never lived with a man... until now. Muffin and I moved in together 4 months ago and it has been one lesson after another.

I have learned that after he comes home from work, my Muffin enjoys spending about an hour, playing his playstation games, while on the toilet. I consider this his well deserved "me" time after a long days work. I've also learned that he is the world's slowest laundry folder. Literally, in the time it takes me to fold an entire load of laundry, he has folded 3 shirts. He calls it "precision folding". I call it slight retardation. Aside from the small things that drive me crazy, living with Muffin has its upside. He always makes the bed, takes the trash out, and kill spiders when necessary. There is way more good than bad, so I cant really complain.

However amazing he may be, Muffin does something so repulsive, so disgusting, so absolutely disrespectful that I need to blog about it. I'm not sure why, but this man is the King of Water Spots. While brushing his teeth, washing his face, or even just walking past the bathroom, he manages to get water spots ALL over the mirror in the bathroom. I'm not just talking about 2-3 random spots, I'm talking about 30-50 spots. Yes, I've counted.

It's not just the spots. Its the fact that whenever he gets out of the bathroom, there is water on the counter, the floor, and the mirror. I honestly think that he tries to fit his entire body into the bathroom sink to take a bird bath, then gets out and shakes himself vigorously to dry. That is the only explanation I can come up with. What baffles me the most is that God made this man, so precise, so accurate, with the ability to pee while standing up, into a small bowl, but he is unable to wash his hands without a tidal wave destroying my smudge free mirror? It's just so frustrating.

This began to frustrate me so much, I told some of my friends about it. Little did I know that all of their boyfriends, husbands, brothers, male roommates did this same thing! Maybe it's a claiming of territory thing men do. A dog pees on things, a man gets water spots on every thing.

Since Muffin and I have only lived together a few months, I don't want to seem like a nag. I don't want to constantly hound him about being dirty and disgusting. That will start after the wedding. So, I try my best to just be patient and clean the spots whenever I see them. Usually right after I've spent 15 minutes cleaning the mirror, Windex-ing til my heart is happy, Muffin will deface my newly cleaned mirror and I cant help but throw a fit. I've literally dragged him into the bathroom, shown him water spots to which he responds "Babe, I don't see anything!" or my favorite response, "Babe, that's natural. At least you know I'm clean!"

I know I'm truly blessed and I'm super grateful for a man like Muffin to share my life with. He's super supportive and kind, he's always making me laugh and smile, he constantly tells me I'm the best, most beautiful person on earth. (which obviously isn't hard to do since it's the truth) He is my best friend. I never thought I'd be so lucky. But why God, WHY? Why must he torture me this way?!

Lesson Learned:

If you don't want water spots on your mirror, marry a woman.