I kept track of our dates in my calendar. It's not like I'm some raging sexual predator, but he was the first man, in a long time, that I couldn't keep my hands off of. Only problem was, I couldn't touch the man without him reminding me that it wasn't our 12th date. So annoying.
Our 11th date was spent playing pool with a bunch of Tube's friends. Tube and I were a team, but I never got a turn. After the first few tries, Tube told me it was ok to sit and watch. How rude; he's supposed to let me play, regardless of how bad I am. He should take this opportunity to teach me like they do in the movies. But no, Tube played. So I took the opportunity to drink everyone's beer. Ha! I win, suckers.
I drank so much beer that I needed help to the car. Tube wasn't going to let me drive home, I wasn't going to go home, so Tube drove me to his place. Because our 11th date had gone past midnight, I began to badger my Tube, reminding him incessantly that it was technically our 12th date. Classy, I know.
We get to his place, he tucks me into his bed, while he sleeps outside of the covers. Eventually, to shut me up, Tube kisses me. YES!! This is totally going to happen. The making out gets kinda heavy and I drunkenly rip my shirt off. Tube's hands start to wander all over the place.
Out of nowhere, everything stops. It's dark in his room so I can't see a damn thing. "What's this?" he asks me. My heart sinks. What could it be? I reach my hand out, feeling around in the dark, so I can feel what he's talking about.
It's a sock. That had just been in my bra. CRAP. I forgot to take out my secret weapons. I'm screwed.
At this point in my life, I had been using my dad's Kirkland Brand Dress Socks, from Costco, to stuff my bras. Don't judge me!! It works really well. It looks great AND it's an inexpensive way to perk the girls. Except that I totally forgot about my sock enhancements because I was tipsy from my boozing.
I scurry around looking for my shirt before Tube gets the chance to dig for the other sock. It was like a bad Hanes commercial. This was definitely not going my way.
I run out of the house, sock in hand, and head straight to my car. I'm too drunk to drive, and I know better, so I just sit in the car. With the doors locked. In Tube's driveway.
Tube comes out to find me. I'm so embarrassed. I waited months for this to happen, I dreamt of what it would be like, and when I finally get the chance to seal the deal, I forget to remove the rolled dress socks from my bra? Ugh.
Tube talks me into going back inside and promises to never mention my sock situation. I was grateful that he was so understanding.
The next week, technically out 12th date, Tube picked me up and had a gift waiting for me in the car. Excited, I rip into the bag.
The bastard bought me 3 pairs of men's dress socks.
Lesson Learned:
Socks should only be worn on your feet. If worn anywhere else people will make fun of you forever.
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