Mission Valentine

Most of my blogs are from dates that I went on a while ago, only a couple are recent. This tale is about LAST NIGHT.

Being single on Valentine's Day leaves 3 options: Send a mass text message to the men in your phone and hope one will take you out, stay home all alone and hate the world, or go out with your friends to make fun of the couples out to celebrate the day of love.

Naturally, I rounded up the girls for a Valentine's Day lunch and then spent the rest of the day with my bestest friend. Our mission = find a Valentine before midnight. We decided to stay local and check out the dive and sports bar. We figured that's where the single men would be hanging out.

We were wrong.

After 4 tries, we gave up looking and found ourselves at an Irish Pub. We decided we'd set up shop and hope the Sweet Baby Jesus would send men directly to us. There were a few couples enjoying drinks together, good music, the Olympic games were on the TV's and most impressive of all, there was a child, with a pacifier in his mouth, sitting at the bar... drinking from a plastic cup. This place was awesome.

My bestie kept trying to seduce a handsome Irish man. She'd give him the "come-hither" look, the "I want to give you a baby" look, and she even tried the "I'll even make you breakfast" look. His thick Irish accent, the way he chugged Guinness and his eagerness to curse had my bestie all kinds of riled up. We soon figured out that he had a gremlin looking girlfriend. UGH. Abort, abort!!

When filling your bladder with all kinds of liquor, one frequents the restroom. On a trip back from the little girl's room, a Ray-J look a like grabbed my hand as I walked by and smiled at me. I kept on keepin on to my table, where my bestie and vodka waited for me. We had two options, continue drinking alone, or make friends with Ray-J and his friends in hopes that they'd be our Valentines. Naturally, I decide to attack.

I walk up to the bar, near the boys, while one, we'll call him Giggles, orders a Mimosa. I ask why he'd be drinking a breakfast drink at night. He called Ray-J over and told him that I called his favorite drink a breakfast beverage. Ray-J came up to me with all his swagger / smooth talking nonsense and told me he loves to drink Mimosa's anytime of the day. I told him that I only drink them with pancakes, for breakfast.

He then said "Girrrrrrl, I'd love to pour syrup all over you for breakfast." This could be the man of my dreams. I love me some pancakes. Mostly because of the syrup. Giggles and Ray-J join my bestie and I. I'm excited that we might have found ourselves some Valentines. It's 11:30PM. Mission almost successful.

Giggles and Ray-J are all over us. Think Lifetime Movie kind of situation where it's almost like weird soft porn. I've never had a man randomly lick my face my at a bar. I'm pretty sure my bestie has never had a man give her a deep tissue massage at a bar either. I wasn't going to complain, since, well, they were cute, smart, and totally entertaining. Ray-J works as an analyst for Google while Giggles was a professional Drummer and toured all over the world.

One thing leads to another and somehow we're walking out the back door of the bar, supposedly to play pool at my bestie's house. They ask me to give them a ride to their cars which are just down the street. These two random men, that we just met, that we definitely don't want to have to see naked, are now in my car. I haven't had the chance to tell bestie that I don't want to go through with this, but I figure once they're out of the car, we can talk it out.

We drop them off at their cars and they begin to talk to each other about who's going to drive, who's going to leave their Escalade at the bar, etc. I ask my bestie.... "Should we ditch them?!"

When she said it was up to me, I crept past the boys, as to not make it look like I was evading. I drove down the street, made a right at the light and then booked it like a bat out of hell all the way to safety.

By safety, I mean the Taco Bell drive-thru.

Lesson Learned:

Looking for love on Valentine's Day is a bad idea. Just shut it down. There's always next year.