The Run-&-Jump

The Run-&-Jump is a test. A test not just of a man's physical ability, but a test of just how much he likes me.

The Run-&-Jump (n): Running full speed towards a man and jumping on him like a spider monkey, praying he successfully catches you.

An example of a successful Run-&-Jump

Think about it... If a man likes you, he would catch you, spin you around, and it would feel like a choreographed dance move, or a scene out of a movie. If a man doesn't like you, he may move out of the way, drop you, yell at you after he catches you ... the possibilities are endless.

I have used the Run-&-Jump test on many men. I only give the test to those that I know can withstand the force of my spider monkey jump. I would never attempt to jump on someone who didn't look like they could catch me. I'm not that crazy. Most of the tested men have been successful. Some have yelled at me, called me crazy, run away screaming ... but there was only one who dropped me.

Butterfinger was a trained MMA fighter, he had the sweetest smile, and knew how to be aggressive in a gentle kind of way. He was Italian, had green eyes, and every time I saw him, a part of me wanted to rip my clothes off... But I feared being arrested, so I stayed calm. At all times.

Buterfinger and I would spend hours just driving round. That was our thing. We both loved to take road trips, turn up the radio, roll down the windows, and drive fast to nowhere. We would talk about almost anything on those road trips. I always had a blast when I was with him.

One night, Butterfinger picked me up and said we were going to Berkeley. We were going to watch a meteor shower. How romantic. My sweet Butterfinger and I, watching meteors light up the nights sky, on top of some hill, far far away. I couldn't wait to get there.

The drive there was scary. I watched Butterfinger as he drove. He was so focused. So attentive to the road. He took each turn carefully, but he wasn't afraid. The moon reflecting off his chiseled face, his big strong hands griping the wheel ... I must be the luckiest girl alive.

We get to the top of the mountain and its breathtaking. I had never been so far from the city lights before. The stars were so clear, so bright. It felt as though I could reach out and grab one. We got out of the car, bundled up in blankets, and waited for the meteor shower to begin. We were the only two people up on the mountain. Typically, two people, on the top of a dark mountain, with blankets, end up keeping warm in creative ways. Not us.

I challenged Butterfinger to the Run-&-Jump. This was his test. If he passed, I would feel comfortable ripping my clothes off every time I saw him. He chuckled, calling me silly. I assured him that I was serious.

I take position.

I begin to charge.

I jump.

SPIDER MONKEY ARMS ARE WIDE OPEN, I felt as though I was flying through the air, waiting for my sweet Butterfinger to catch me.

It all happened so fast. One moment, I'm running full speed at him, the next, I'm on the ground, face down.

DID HE JUST DROP ME??? I had never been dropped. I was a good judge of strength and never would have guessed that he, of all people, would drop me. I laid there for a few moments before moving. The shock was too great.

I hear, what sounds like, laughter. He better not be laughing right now. Oh, but he is. He's hysterically laughing. He thinks this is the funniest thing ever. I cant stand him. He dropped me. He's laughing. I hope he chokes on his saliva.

Through his hysterical laughter, Butterfinger is trying to speak. "That was so funny. Why would you do that? I didn't think you'd actually jump on me!" So, after dropping me, and laughing, you doubt me? This is SO over.

Butterfinger didn't pass the test. Butterfinger never got to see me rip my clothes off. Sadly, that was the last road trip we ever took.

Lesson Learned:

When testing a man, make sure to wear protection: knee pads, elbow pads, and a helmet.