You Oughtta Know!

After sharing a few of my dates with ya'll, I find myself explaining how I met these men, time and time again.

Basically, I'm a pervert. I have no shame, no conscience, and I see no wrong in walking up to a man and telling him that I'd like to see his pants on the floor in my bedroom.

I don't advise everyone to use my techniques. To be so honest, crass, and forward can only be pulled off by someone extremely confident. The weak at heart and insecure need not try.

"How, Meesh, HOW is it possible for you to walk up to a man and say such things?" I honestly don't fear rejection. What's the worst a man can say? "No?" Or "Get away from me you hairy banshee?" I've heard worse things in my life. Rejection does not scare me, it motivates me. It makes me think of better pick up lines in the middle of the night, it makes me walk up to more attractive men, and it gives me the gusto needed to pull off my amazing pick up lines.

So, next time you find yourself admiring a man from afar, feel free to use one of my many ingenious lines...

- Hi. I like your face. It suits your sexy bodyyyyyy.
- Hey Baby, Do you like changing diapers? Cuz I wanna give you a child!
- I think I've seen you before. Oh! That's right, you look just like the guy I fantasize about when my boyfriend kisses me.
- Don't think I didn't notice what you just did. Stop undressing me with your eyes or I'm going to have to charge you.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute, WAIT ONE MINUTE MISTER.... did you just pelvic thrust at me? No? Oh, just wishful thinking on my part.
- I think you're delicious. Prove me wrong.
- Your smile makes me want to rip my clothes off. There you go smiling again. Oops, there goes my shirt.

For the less brave:

- Hi.

But in all seriousness, the key to meeting men and going on multiple bad dates is to be captivating. No man I've ever gone on a date with will forget me. I know what you're thinking, it's those beautiful Persian eyes, the badonk-a-donk that makes most men cry, but no. The fact is, I'm not afraid of what he thinks. I know what I have to offer, I know what I'm worth, and if I want a man, I'll get it. If the dates are bad, I'll blog about it.